That moment in your life when you get tired of chasing, understanding and letting people go and you end up caring less already.
I always want to be around them, friends and love ones but there’s a lot of excuses and I’m tired of listening to all those shitty alibis of theirs. One friend quoted, “Respect people who find time for you in their busy schedule. But love people who never look at their schedule when you need them.” Too good to be true. There are few friends who are like that.. Also, I’m tired of chasing that only one person who’s not giving a shit of being part of my life again. And of course as I’m getting tired of it, I’m caring less already and worst, not even a piece of damn shit will I give anymore. Done.
LRTMoments101: Madness for my Mom.
I remember that first time I got mad in public without minding other people’s says. That was way back March this year. We chose to ride the LRT from Pasay City to get to Robinson’s Mall Manila. Our trip from Baclaran to P.Gil that afternoon was fine not until we reached P.GIL. As we step down the train, we used our cards to pass that stupid machine. Me, my cousin and my Aunt passed that machine first. Then my Mom, Dad and my eldest Brother followed. As Mom tried to pass that machine, she get stuck in there because the card isn’t working or maybe the machine.. IDGAF, I don’t know anything about that either. So my Mom panicked a bit because she don’t know what to do and there are bunch of people waiting right behind her to pass. So my Mom asked for help but this man who is working in that station, came closer to my Mom then shouted at her and my Mom looks like embarrassed and helpless and maybe that guy saw my Mom as ignorant or something. So I went near them and I just got mad at him.. And what I heard that he said, “Umalis ka na nga diyan! Ayaw na nga gumana eh di ka pa umalis diyan!” I got insulted the way he treated my Mom out there so as he raise his voice to my Mom, I shouted at this stupid guy and this is how the conversation goes:,
Ako: Bakit mo sinisigawan ang Nanay ko?! Kahit naman ako hindi ko din alam ang gagawin ko kung ako yung naganyan!
Guy: Eh Ma’am alam na nga po niyang ayaw gumana hindi pa umalis.
Ako: Oh eh hindi ka ba marunong makiusap ng maayos?!!!!
Guy: *calmed down a bit and lowered his tone* Ah Ma’am sige po dito na po tayo.
There it goes.. I know I’ve been a bit rude out there but I just can’t help it to see my Mom being insulted in front of me. And not to mention the producer-consumer relationship. In that setting, customer kami at employee siya and respect must be given to us. Assistance ang dapat nilang ibigay sa mga customer nila at hindi sermon or kabastusan sa customer nila. Kaya siguro kumalma yung lalaki kasi napansin niyang game na game ako makipagtalo sa kanya at handa akong i-reklamo siya sa manager nila or sa kahit sinong nakatataas sa kanya. This moment is unforgettable kasi mixed emotions ang naramdaman ko at ang tagal kong napakalma ang sarili ko. I was shaking that time at nanlalamig ang mga kamay ko. Then my heart beats so fast. Inabot ata ng 1 hour bago naging normal ang lahat. First time yun. Nagagalit ako pero hindi ko pinapakitang galit ako.. Kadalasan sa mga family members ko lang pinapakita yun or sa kaibigan. I just love my Mom so much that even at her embarrassing moments, I would die for her. SRSLY. :)
The Help.
I remember this one time na sumakay ako sa LRT from Baclaran to D.Jose. It was getting late at galing ako sa apartment ng Dad ko na malapit sa work nya. Dun pa ako sa Sampaloc naka-dorm dati. This is one of my unforgettable moments in riding the LRT. This time around, nagkaroon ako ng chance para magkaroon ng upuan sa oras ng siksikan sa LRT. Then may tumabi sa akin na isang babae na may kargang batang babae at may hawak na bag. Tulad din ako ng karamihan na may sariling mundo kumbaga kapag nakasakay doon. Hindi ako nagsasalita kadalasan maliban na lang kapag may pauupuin akong matanda or lalabas na at mag-eexuse me para makadaan. At yung gabing yun nga, kinausap ako ng katabi kong Ale. Sabi nya galing daw silang ospital at kakalabas lang daw nung bata doon kasi daw may sakit. Napatingin ako dun sa bata may defect siya, special child. Naalala ko bumili ako ng Apples and Pears that time so kumuha ako ng isang Apple at binigay ko dun sa bata. Tapos yung Nanay nung bata, nagpaparinig parang gusto ng pera. Tumango tango nalang ako pero parang nahiya din ako kasi lumalakas yung boses nung babae at naririnig na nung nasa harapan naming nakatayo. Kaya ang ginawa ko, bumulong ako doon sa babae at sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ako nagbibigay ng pera kapag tumutulong sa tao. Ngumiti siya at imbes na mag-thank you para dun sa binigay kong pagkain para dun sa bata, ang ginawa nya.. nilakasan pa niya lalo yung boses niya at sabi.. “Kalalabas lang namin sa ospital.. ang laki nung nagastos ko.. wala pang gatas yung bata….” Tapos yung babae dun sa harap namin na nagkataon namang may hawak na groceries, nag-abot ng junk food dun sa bata. Ironic kumbaga kasi hindi naman na niya tinulungan yung bata kasi nagbigay nga siya, “JUNK” naman. Anyway, ayun parang naging suspicious na ako at that moment. Ayaw ko kasing madala sa sitwasyon na uunahin mo yung awa pero hindi mo iniisip kung deserve bang bigyan ng tulong. I mean, tumulong naman ako pero hindi pa ba sapat yun?
May tatlong rason kung bakit yun lang ang binigay ko:
1. May prinsipyo ako na hindi ako magbibigay ng pera kapag may nanlilimos sa akin.- Bakit? Kasi may nangyari before dun sa may overpass sa Morayta. Dati, nagbibigay naman ako yun lang kasi pagkauwi ko, nakita ko yung matanda na binigyan ko ng pera at guess what? Nagyoyosi. Nainsulto ako dun kasi I care and the purpose of giving him some money is for him to buy food for himself or maybe a shelter para hindi lang siya andun sa overpass na nakatambay. So I gave him money for food, para madagdagan pa buhay nya but then pinambili pa niya ng cigar na pwedeng maging dahilan para mas lalo siyang magkasakit. Kaya ever since, kapag tumutulong ako sa tao, hindi na pera binibigay ko kundi pagkain.
2. Estudyante lang po ako.- Kung mayaman lang ako, why not, diba? Kahit pa magpatayo ako ng Charity Foundation kung may kaya lang ako. Hindi naman masamang magdamot basta sakto lang. At hindi naman ako nagdamot sa pagkakataong yan, iba lang yung paraan ng pagtulong ko sa tao. Ang pera na hawak ko per week ay tinitipid ko at para yun sa sarili ko at sa pag-aaral ko. Saktong estudyante lang ako sa ngayon pero pagka-financially stable na ako, hindi naman na siguro malayong tumulong ako sa mga nangangailangan dahil maaawain din naman ako.
3. Suspicious ako. Hindi ko alam kung talagang na-adopt ko ito sa pagiging Political Science student ko. Smart ass kung tutuusin, mahirap lokohin baga. Madali akong mag-suspetya sa mga bagay-bagay lalo na kung weird. Ang iniisip ko kasi that time, nasa Maynila ako at hindi malayong sa sindikato ang kapit nito. Well, masamang mag-isip ng masama sa kapwa mo pero kung valid naman ang basis mo.. wala namang masama lalo na kung sarili mo yung nakataya. Para sa akin, kung ano yun binigay ko yun na yun.. pasalamat nga siya may binigay pa ako. At isa pa, gusto ko kasi kung tutulong man ako eh may patutunguhan yun hindi yung sinasayang or parang wala lang. Nakakainsulto yung ganun kaya minsan nag-susungit ako kapag tumulong ako tapos ni THANK YOU, wala. May mga tao kasing abusado sa kabaitan mo. Yun bang inuuto ka na at niloloko? Ganun yun.
Kasalanan ba ang tumulong ng sakto lang? Na-guilty ako pero pinapanindigan ko kasi yung prinsipyo ko at ang mga konsiderasyon ko para mailayo ang sarili ko sa mga manloloko. Ang mundo ay puno ng mga manloloko, nasa sayo na yun kung magpapaloko ka. Hindi masamang hindi tumulong paminsan-minsan. Kailangan lang talaga ng konting konsiderasyon para matawag talagang “TULONG” ang ibibigay mo. Kung may manlilimos sayo mapa-bata o matanda, mas maiging magbigay ng pagkain at inumin kaysa pera. O kaya naman, tignan mo muna yung katawan at edad.. kung kaya namang magtrabaho, yaan mo na.. kailangan din niyang matutunang magsikap at humanap ng mas matinong hanap-buhay.
P.S.
- Ito po ay opinyon at prinsipyo ko lang po na batay naman na sa isang karanasan na nagturo sa akin na mag-ingat. We live in a chaotic society and it is not bad to get rid of abusive people sometimes. Kung survival ang usapan, well.. kanya-kanyang sikap lang yan. Don’t just depend on the easy way of living, strive to live.
(Source: naughtygalaera)
Akala mo nagbago na yun pala nag level up lang.
Masaklap, mas malala pa sa dating ugali. Ay nako! Dala ng inggit, naninira bigla ng tao. BITCH PLEASE!
Tips 101: ANGER MANAGEMENT
Everyone gets angry. With or without reason. And we all get out-of-control of it oftentimes. We all have our own ways of expressing it, letting it out and keeping it inside just to let it pass. Many of us express it in a way that anyone can notice but there are also people who hide it rather. It is whether you hit the innocent wall with your fist or shout covering your mouth with a pillow. According to a book that I have read, the latter is some kind of unpleasant way to let the anger go especially when you are imagining someone else’ face in that pillow. It only makes it worst, the author says. I, myself too have my own way of doing so. I show it most of the time especially when I’m with a fight with my family members.. This is good in the sense that I let them know and see that I’m mad but what’s bad on this is that I say silly things like unpleasant words in a dirty language. Or worst, I say offending words that are too personal. And of course it’s FOUL, man. With this disadvantage, I see things better when I try to shut my mouth and lock myself in my room. And that one time I did this kind of ‘LIFE-SAVING’ technique, still I let my anger go without hurting anyone physically, not even vocally. How did I manage my anger? Simple. Here it is:
- Go get a piece of paper or a bunch maybe (be ready to be shocked!) and break a sweat find a pen.- This will serve as a medium, a passageway of your anger as you let it go instead of staring the innocent wall or the pillow.
- Sit gently. Inhale-Exhale.- This will make you feel comfortable. It helps you to calm yourself. Because sometimes we shake when we’re mad. It is better to do this way because this is when you start controlling yourself not to harm yourself or anybody.
- Feel like crying? Do it.- This will let you release your anger in a peaceful way and this is the ‘peaceful way’ that I am talking about. It will let your emotions go.
- Start writing. Anything. -Write the words that you wanted to say to that someone who made you angry. Or even the words that you might want to hear from someone you wanted to be right there beside you but isn’t. Write anything, everything. Remember: THERE ARE NO LIMITS (As a general rule BUT even general rules have EXCEPTIONS so, except when you run out of ink on your pen or a paper crisis!)
- When you’re done, read it.- In this way, you’ll measure how strong your anger is. And you might be shocked also with all the words that you might see on your paper. Be prepare to see some words that you can never imagine that you will say it.
- Decide either you keep that paper or burn it. Keeping that paper will remind you that you got mad with this person once and this will make you laugh someday if you find some purpose why it happened (e.g. She lied to you and you found out that she did it for your own good.) And burning it will relieve you from this anger, it’s a way of letting it go TOTALLY. One example of this is when you get mad with your Ex because she cheated on you.. you will burn the paper in order to forget the pain and just in case you decided to forget that person and keep him or her out of your life.
This is just another peaceful way of letting your madness go. It simply saves you from danger. Remember: LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, IT IS ONE WORD AWAY FROM DANGER.
Whenever I remember that BITCH…
The only thing on my mind is
“I’LL KILL YOU MADAFUCKER!!!!!!”
That moment when..
Your Mom keeps on talking and giving you endless sermon like
And you’re just sitting there like
Then your Mother hit you like
And you hit back like
And when she gets pissed off she’s like,
Then you look at her in return like
And you just both end up laughing at each other like
REBLOG IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOM AND YOU BOND WITH HER LIKE THIS! :))
(Source: naughtygalaera)
Moved away from everything.
It’s weird. Being this dramatic again. One repeated failure made me realize these changes that I’ve been through for a couple of years now. I know I’ve been away from God (Father, forgive me!), from my parents, friends, and from myself. I feel numb about everything. It feels like a robot thing inside of me.. I don’t get nervous that much, I don’t cry that much anymore, I don’t feel LOVE nor INTIMACY with anyone since then. Only HATRED, MADNESS, LONELINESS, IGNORANCE. I let things passed as I often just ignore things that even the dominating ones that destroys my self esteem. Now, I felt desperate enough to skip this repeated failure that I’m into right now. Gaaaad!!! If something miraculous thing that will happen to change this, I will be back to what I used to… I will restore my relationship with everyone especially to God. I never had forgotten him but as compared to the past, I used to be closer than ever. I hope this is a sign that wakes me up from being on the wrong direction. I know and I believe that I can pass this challenge. But I terribly needed someone to talk to right now. Someone that I can open up with.. especially the things that I don’t usually open up to anyone else before. :(
Never been so desperate!
Weird, though.
Okay. March 14, 2012. After more than a year since then we broke up, we talked again. Hindi naman na ito ang first time na nag-usap ulit kami after namin maghiwalay. Mayroon na din kaming mga ‘short-talks’ before. Yun lang. Parang out of nowhere lang yung timing. Hindi ko alam pero ito ba talaga ang naidudulot kapag puno ng bad vibes ang araw ko? Yung nagkakalakas loob akong gawin ang mga bagay na dati ay pinag-iisipan kong maigi at kadalasan ay ‘NO’ or ‘DON’T DO IT’ ang palagi kong naisasagot sa sarili kong tanong?! Weird, though. Ayun. Nag-PM ako sakanya kanina. Nakita ko kasi pangalan niya habang naghahanap ako ng ka-grupo kong online sa isang major subject ko. May research kasi kaming nira-rush. Ayun. E siya yung natripan kong i-PM. Ayun. Smiley lang naman ang laman ng PM ko. Tapos nag reply siya. “Oh. Hi :)” sabi nya. Tapos dahil sa nainis ako sa news na nagsuspend ang FEU ng class for tomorrow, yung tungkol sa strike ang natanong ko sakanya kung affected din ba sila. Sabi niya hindi daw niya alam… so on and so forth. Another ‘short convo’ again but nicer this time. It’s just weird. Hindi naman na sa total stranger na ang dating nya sa akin, pero hindi na yung gaya ng dati e na yung tipong may bitterness pa. Masaya naman na siya, halata ko. At masaya din naman ako kahit puro friendly bonds lang ang meron ako ngayon.. no stable relationship(yet). And I feel fine with it. Been a year already. Achievement na yun para sa akin. Life must move on nga naman. I discovered a whole new world since then. Masaya naman kahit papaano kasi mahilig ako sa adventure. Not bad. Every ending has a purpose.. it is to start a new beginning. :)
Anger Management 101
Shitty people in my life gives me hell right now. I’m sick like I wanna scream so loud that every people on Earth can hear how much I hate these people. It makes me ask WHY, lots of WHY. In a cliche, people tend to rise up when they use ANGER as a motivating thing in life. It keeps them moving, improving.. in short, a POSITIVE WAY OF REVENGE. Showing them what their shits did to you. I want it that way. But some people say, don’t keep that anger in your heart so you can live peacefully— BE CARE FREE. But then, I tend to look up on the ‘positive revenge’ thing rather than the latter. I don’t know where to start, really. I know I can. But if I do adopt this new perspective to get into my nerves, I will surely be a different person. I am tough, strong, hard-headed kiddo. And if I’m gonna be an ANGER MANAGEMENT 101 victim, I would be and I should be tougher, stronger and be the person on Earth having the hardest head ever. Possible thing that people would apparently see in me as they criticize me would be—— a REBEL. I should be doing that thing way back then but I chose no to. I stay put onto believing that it would do nothing to me. I don’t know yet what else to come and what would I do to take control of things in crisis but I can assure you this.. I will know my limits if I would be an ANGER MANAGEMENT 101 victim. ~_^
Moving On, Kiddo.
I am happy to see that everybody’s happy moving on with their own lives nowadays. And so am I. I’ve done enough so I’ve learned by my own to LET GO of the people in my life though they knew and so do I that they were important to me and precious enough to lose. They say, if you really love the person— then you must not afford to lose them. But I say, call me fool, stupid or insane but I prefer to stick on the idea that if you love the person.. though you don’t want them go, you will. It’s not that easy, of course. There’s no harm in trying so before you do so, try to make them stay but if you tried but they didn’t then it must be enough. Once is enough for a wise man, they say. Letting the person go doesn’t end the relationship, it only put boundaries in between for a new beginning. And when they realize that it’s a mistake to leave you with nothing, they will and they should exert an extra effort to destroy and make the wall fall bounded between you two after all that “letting go.”
#UnitedWeStandSeparatedWeFall
(Source: naughtygalaera)
Dead-lock for the luck -,-
02/17/2012.
I got home late already. Tired, of course. Didn’t have the chance to eat dinner anymore. I just wanna lay in my bed the whole night.. But I can’t sleep. A lot of thoughts on my mind. Stuffs like this and that. School stuffs really sucks when they exist all at once. Due date that and that and that and so on and so forth. Really, it sucks. Next week’s debate in our COMPA subject will be under my control, I was asked to preside perhaps the right term is—- ADJUDICATE. So here I am, researching more info about parliamentary debate procedures. Good thing I’ve taken Parliamentary Practice last semester, it’s an advantage and of course the reason why I am this problematic in this matter. Will be a tough week next week for the tough girl :)
(Source: naughtygalaera)
